“I want to be all shiny and new, all put together, and I just can’t get there. The things I try to forget don’t go away, and the mistakes I’ve made don’t go away, and I’m a lot like my old house, cracked and mismatched and patched over.
….I always think that God’s kind of people are squeaky-clean people whose garages don’t leak, but really a lot of the people God uses to do amazing things are people who don’t necessarily have it all together…”-Cold Tangerines.
I reflected on this chapter in my SFG today. I am one of those people who loves old houses. They are unique and full of stories. They smell like history and depth.
They require extra care and up keep. They need replacements, new heaters, extra love.
Just like Shauna explains, we as people are old houses. I am an old house.
I’m imperfect and broken. God’s replaced things in my heart multiple times. My attitude needs adjustments. My patience needs to grow. I could be more selfless.
As I talked about my love for this chapter, Old House, in Cold Tangerines, I explained the most challenging semester in my college years. I talked about how there was a time when I wanted to forget it. I wanted to forget the struggles I went through, the tears I cried, the stress I let pile up, the tense self I was. I wanted to forget the times I was short with my roommates and frustrated and hurt. I didn’t want to hear that I needed to “slow down” or “take a break,” or, in my friend Sophie Parrott’s words, “be human.”
I wanted to be superwoman. I wanted to plow through the rough semester I had, and forget it.
And, I’m so glad that it’s one of the most vivid memories of my college season. I remember that semester so clearly. God used it to grow me, to shape my heart, to dust off the dusty shelves of my heart, to replace stress with peace and frustration with grace.
From that semester, He made me a new creation. No, not a new house. But, an old house with lots of gentle repair. Extra love. Extra time. Extra patience. I am who I am because God took the time to purchase an old house and make it His own.